♦ DW: akichan
♦ AIM: Graceful Otaku
♦ Plurk: Ammeschan
Natsuno Yuuki/Koide, Clementine, Hachiken Yugo, Roxas
[Name]: Kuroki Tomoko
[Canon]: Watashi ga Motenai no wa Dou Kangaete mo Omaera ga Warui (aka Watamote)
Tomoko had a normal kind of childhood. She grew up being very close to her younger brother Tomoki and her parents. She was a bright, curious child who had a good disposition and she adored playing with her brother. In the summers they often hung out together, catching cicada shells.
By the time Tomoko was in middle school, they had both branched out in their social circles. Tomoko is an avid otaku and she has a best friend named Naruse Yu. Yu at the time was very plain, much like Tomoko, in looks and the two of them were a bit outside of the box. They did everything together, going to the mall, to the movies, hanging out playing games and watching anime. When asked about their futures, Yu had no idea what she wanted to do, but Tomoko said she wanted to be Japan's first female arms dealer and started making up fictional guns to show Yu just how much she has been working towards her future goal.
At some point, she isolated herself from her peers, aside from Yu. Tomoko did not really realize this at the time, how little she actually spoke to people around her and anytime she wasn't with Yu, she was at home alone playing a whole host of video games, including Otome games and watching anime alone. In part, it was Yu who hid this horrible truth from her, always confident with her friend. She spent a lot of time talking to her cousin and her brother during the summers, and her video games as well.
In doing this, she developed a crippling social anxiety. Upon entering high school, she was very excited. She wanted to get a boyfriend and join clubs like the SOS Brigade, but it came to pass that she realizes at this time that she's developed this state of being. She can't remember the last time she had a conversation with a stranger, and even teachers cause her to freeze up, speak barely above a whisper and stammer through whatever she has to say.
Two months into her time at school, she realized everything was going terribly and she figured that meant she had to reinvent herself. She tried a myriad of things - adopting the 'silent' anime character persona, adopting the unfeeling, robotic persona, changing how she wears her clothes, requesting to form a new club (which was denied), spraying herself with soda...all of these misadventures tend to blow up in her face. Her class seems to be very unaware of her existence at all.
In the second term her seat was moved from the back of the classroom to the middle/front of the classroom. One of her classmates even greeted her, but she found the entire thing way too stressful. Initially she began eating her lunches on the roof, since her chair usually got taken by some other girl, but when the desk and chair by the roof were taken from her, she started just staying her her seat. She began to feel a lot more depressed since she was so invisible. At the school festival, in Yu's company, she found herself having fun. Because of it, she met a girl on the committee, who actually is attempting to befriend Tomoko, although she remains oblivious. With the new year, she's still exactly where she was in social standing.
Tomoko has several facets to her personality. She is a stereotypical shut in, in that she prefers to stay at home alone. She's a rabid otaku about anime and will stay up all hours watching it, or playing otome (dating) games. She loses herself easily in these games and fantasizes about being with these men, hearing what they say to her. These fantasies are her way of escaping reality, not because it's bad necessarily, but because she doesn't like reality. Her ability to default to being a shut-in has caused her a great deal of problems, including an increase in her social anxieties. Unlikely or unable to flex her social muscles, she has begun to lose them completely, leaving her a bit of a mess.
Tomoko has crippling social anxiety. With her anxiety, it makes face to face interactions including ordering a coffee or a meal at a restaurant very difficult for Tomoko. She doesn't seek out social interaction very often and when she does attempt it, it never seems to go over very well. She is completely out of practice, and her classmates are content to ignore her, noting once that no one had spoken to her in 43 days. She does however manage to type away in games or online without a problem, and prefers texting over talking. Being forced into a situation where she has to speak to someone, she will physically tremble, look terrified and she will stammer her way through a response that is barely above a whisper. However, if she is cornered, or pressed whether this is real or imagined, she happens to blurt out the most embarrassing and inappropriate things, often letting her thoughts and fantasies bleed over into reality. Tomoko is very much a person controlled by this anxiety, if she is challenged in any way she tends to back down and try and play it off as though she weren't speaking in the first place. This often weighs on her mind, any time she's out of the house and she does not know how to get past it. Any self-hatred she feels is born from this inability to function like a normal human being.
As she spends a lot of her time thinking of dating, playing dating sims and looking at the hentai scenes from the games, this makes her very perverted. She's often caught thinking about boys and girls, and inevitably it tends to turn sexual. She is a little bleak though, she imagines having sex would be incredibly painful, and even imagines herself beaten, bruised and abandoned afterwards. She has an outlook that things never seem to come around for her, and that's mostly because they don't. Left to her own devices in class, or at lunch, she fantasizes a lot. Most of the time she daydreams about fitting in with the other kids, the things they would do together and how cute she would be doing it. Other times, her fantasies turn perverted, like when Yu hugged her at the festival she imagined that meant she should grab her ass, or grope her breast. She also engages in odd behaviours like smelling Yu's hair, or trying to look at girl's panties as they go up the stairs, just out of curiosity of course. Tomoko can admit she's perverted and seems to know at times that it's going to far, but she can't seem to stop thinking about it. While engaging in fantasy is enjoyable for her, for the most part, it doesn't help her when it comes to relating to live human beings.
Tomoko almost lives in two different worlds at the same time. The world inside her mind, and the reality outside of it. The world inside her mind has her as a cute, normal school girl, albeit a very perverted one, who goes out, makes friends and has a great time. She pictures herself as being a person to be envied, either smart, pretty or popular and always fitting in with a charming smile. She envisions herself as being the type of girl to have a boyfriend, go out and sing karaoke and spend time with friends wandering around the city in a relaxing manner. On the other side of this, she sometimes imagines the worst case scenarios, picturing the worst events she can think of happening to her. Her thoughts can get violent and all of her thoughts tend to be very graphic. Reality is very different. Tomoko looks tired and worn out, pasty because she spends her days and nights playing video games. She is always exhausted from lack of sleep and has dark bags under her eyes. She is not cool, she doesn't go out and she only has one friend who doesn't even attend the same school she does. She both envies and hates the people around her for their ability to fit in and be normal and she desires nothing more then that.
Every interaction she has is coloured by her imagination. She will imagine scenarios with people, she will imagine what she will say, what she will do, and she will tell herself what is going to happen. Her mind seems to race in a detailed, imaginative manner. Anyone who snubs her is immediately insulted in her mind, and if she perceives people to be popular or normal, nothing she can think is very flattering. She has a running monologue going on in her mind, and it seldom stops except when she's being spoken to.
Her relationship with Yu is platonic, although she has been subject of a fantasy or two of Tomoko's. They don't see each other very often, but they do text, and sometimes talk on the phone. Their conversations are a little better, but even Yu makes her nervous and she stammers, just less frequently. She often texts her things that are sexual in nature, such as asking her out of the blue about her panties, or even asks her on the phone. Yu grew up to be the kind of person that Tomoko wishes she could be, but she can't so she hates her a little bit. They were friends before high school, back when Yu still behaved in a manner similar to Tomoko and her transformation makes Tomoko feel jealous, and like she can't keep up. Because of this, and her friend's lack of availability, they don't see each other very frequently, leaving her feel a little left behind.
Her relationship with her brother Tomoki is incredibly unhealthy. He's the only boy she knows, that she can talk to, and after she realizes that she can no longer talk to non family members, she insists they talk every night together until she gets a boyfriend. These talks often mean she's sitting there talking his ear off, asking him strange questions like 'Do you think I'm cute?' and she seems oblivious to her brother getting annoyed with her and does what she wants most of the time. There doesn't seem to be many boundaries between them and she harbours an unhealthy fixation on him, bordering on incestuous, as he's the only boy she really knows. Tomoko does put stock in the things he says however, when he does offer any advice or kind words, she takes them to heart. Most of the time he doesn't say much of anything. Despite all of this strangeness, they did at one time share a close relationship and part of Tomoko is desperate to get that back, if only to be able to relate to another human being.
[Abilities / Strengths & Weaknesses]:
Tomoko is a fierce gamer, with skills and hours logged enough to reach level forty in the best arcade games. She copes well on little sleep and in fact takes that in stride. She is also skilled in card games, however she's more skilled in cheating and concealing it than in the game itself. She doesn't like to lose, and will cheat to win. She has an overactive imagination that is probably unrivaled.
She has a huge weakness in that she's so socially anxious she can barely form words together when faced with another human being. She can be very verbose through written means, as long as she's not forced to talk to anyone. She doesn't seem to have a lot of physical skills, however she's a decent long distance runner, so she has some stamina.
[Other Important Facts]: